Everything is falling back to place. All the conditions dictating my mental health are moving towards stability. Everyone says life is always up and down. I do not disagree but the amplitude and frequency of this up-down should be under control. For me everything was going haywire. Till now, I am trying to assess the whole episode and hopefully learn my lessons. I do not know how much I have succeeded but for a strong urge to not let myself succumb to the same mess again. However, I want to move to a state where I do not have to be careful of my failings. I want to conquer them once and forever.
Sometimes I look for support from someone not infallible but someone complementary and compatible. And its not only about sense and sensibilities. I feel a child in me, who wants to be pampered, doted, even scolded sometimes and, most importantly, wanted for just being me. I wonder how I always go on demanding from life. Its always I want, I need, I feel and never I am. I want to reach the 'I am' stage. In other words, I want to get rid of my wants :-)
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