There are times when I sit in front of the computer and fingers just start typing. Thoughts have words with well defined meanings and are eager to make their journey from my mind to this console. Those are the days when everyone and everything around makes sense, good or bad is a separate matter. When I know I am Ashish and Ashish has his joys, sorrows, ambitions, doubts, plans, dreams, fantasies, friends, relatives, life. All these things are present and purposeful just like the background music of a movie. You hardly notice it, but its always there. Remove it and there's an eerie haunting silence.
And there are days when its confusing. When I know I am Ashish but I do not know what it means? I cannot say its a doubt, confusion or fear, because its something language (or at least my knowledge of it) fails to capture. The feeling is so flimsy that words dilute it, sounds mute it, and a search obscures it. Its like being restricted in a cell, when you know there's something beyond but don't know what. Or like living in absolute darkness and being comfortable with it for most of the time.
I think everyone experiences something similar, in inexplicitness if not in description. And everyone has his/her own solution. Some run away from it by engaging themselves in other simpler things, answering simpler questions, some others close their eyes towards it to deny its existence, a few try to face it, look for answers. For most the subtleness is too hard to perceive, and the comfort comes by associating it with all kinds of things.
The question that I have, with no definite answer, is what should I do, if anything at all?
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Pet Peeves
"Tagged" by Manish, here's my list of 20 :
1) Punjabi aunties (all of them on the other side of 100 kg) who say, "Hai, kinna patla hain ve mundiya tu !! Kaka, sehat bana hun kuch khaya peeya kar"
2) "Oh, you are in US, my uncle's friend's neighbour's son is also there (only 2000 miles from your place). This is his number. Since you are new there na beta, I have told him to take care of you. Do give him a call."
3) Indian/American Idol and all such crap.
4) Advertisements at channels here.
5) "Kya hua ? kuch le kyun nahi rahe ? ek aur roti lo, bahut achchi bani hai. sharmao mat apna hi ghar samjhoo (aur pet kiska samjhaun). "
6) People smoking in trains/buses/public places/homes/anywhere.
7) Indiatimes/TOI
8) Any Tom, Dick or Harry saying "Gandhi/Bose/Nehru/../.. was an idiot, #@*&^"
9) Infra-structure/cleanliness/corruption in India, the "chalta hai" attitude and its mute/helpless/hapless/coward witnesses like me.
10) Chauvinism
11) Unavailability of Bollywood movies where I live :((
12) Rather frequent injuries of Sachin.
13) Hours I spend (read waste) on the new age idiot box (read computer).
14) People with bad breath/body odor.
15) Mobile ringing,people talking/moving in front of screen during a movie in a theater.
16) "I'm on the way, reaching in 15 minutes." "Sirf 1 ganta toh late hoon, itna toh chalta hai yaar"
17) "what else", "aur bata", "u say".....
18) Did practically nothing this week. Meeting with advisor tomorrow. What the hell, lets finish this blog/movie/novel
No clean clothes to wear. No detergent. No enthu to do laundry.
No firewire on my computer and no USB movie transfer from my camcorder. Not buying a firewire and living with the misery for 2 years now.
Yes, the most feared word in the dictionary "PROCRASTINATION"
19) Number of comments on my blog (I guess this is a very common one)
20) --NAFTP-- Not appropriate for this place.
So, how many do you share with me ?
1) Punjabi aunties (all of them on the other side of 100 kg) who say, "Hai, kinna patla hain ve mundiya tu !! Kaka, sehat bana hun kuch khaya peeya kar"
2) "Oh, you are in US, my uncle's friend's neighbour's son is also there (only 2000 miles from your place). This is his number. Since you are new there na beta, I have told him to take care of you. Do give him a call."
3) Indian/American Idol and all such crap.
4) Advertisements at channels here.
5) "Kya hua ? kuch le kyun nahi rahe ? ek aur roti lo, bahut achchi bani hai. sharmao mat apna hi ghar samjhoo (aur pet kiska samjhaun). "
6) People smoking in trains/buses/public places/homes/anywhere.
7) Indiatimes/TOI
8) Any Tom, Dick or Harry saying "Gandhi/Bose/Nehru/../.. was an idiot, #@*&^"
9) Infra-structure/cleanliness/corruption in India, the "chalta hai" attitude and its mute/helpless/hapless/coward witnesses like me.
10) Chauvinism
11) Unavailability of Bollywood movies where I live :((
12) Rather frequent injuries of Sachin.
13) Hours I spend (read waste) on the new age idiot box (read computer).
14) People with bad breath/body odor.
15) Mobile ringing,people talking/moving in front of screen during a movie in a theater.
16) "I'm on the way, reaching in 15 minutes." "Sirf 1 ganta toh late hoon, itna toh chalta hai yaar"
17) "what else", "aur bata", "u say".....
18) Did practically nothing this week. Meeting with advisor tomorrow. What the hell, lets finish this blog/movie/novel
No clean clothes to wear. No detergent. No enthu to do laundry.
No firewire on my computer and no USB movie transfer from my camcorder. Not buying a firewire and living with the misery for 2 years now.
Yes, the most feared word in the dictionary "PROCRASTINATION"
19) Number of comments on my blog (I guess this is a very common one)
20) --NAFTP-- Not appropriate for this place.
So, how many do you share with me ?
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