The worst day of my life

I do not want to live here. Money does not attract me, fame is not exactly what I want, people around do not matter and I am not born just to do the job assigned mindlessly. Today can be easily called the most difficult day of my life. I do not have a single penny in my pocket, no family or relatives around, not a friend in sight I can lean on and above all, no motivation to work. So, why am I alive? I do not even have anyone to tell this to, leave alone an answer to my question. This hunger is killing me, but the urge to live is not strong enough to force me to eat. But I should rather look at the positives. I must have some, surely. I have a bright career ahead, but do I want it? I have my family besides myself, but is it such a big asset. Everyone has to live away at some point in one's life. I want to know what motivation do people have when they know they are alone till they start a new family themselves. Are the people around, friends or acquaintances, playing such an important role as being the preservers of the will to live? Are these thoughts of mine meaningful or just an excuse for my laziness. Is laziness the only ailment I am suffering from? Lets count some instances when I have done some hard work. EDP is one, it paid. Third year course on computation is another, did not pay. NTSE preparation pays even today. I studied hard for the final exams in seventh. So, some few and far between instances are certainly there but laziness is the general trait. Are there any decisions I can take at this point? Not being lazy is one, but deciding to abandon laziness would be like swimming The English Channel tomorrow.
I last ate something substantial may a couple of days back, had two good meals in a day may be sometime in April and now after having a glass of water feel like writing again. The positives of my life are hiding somewhere lest they too are destroyed by the reckless devil of my insane thoughts. The negatives well fed by the generosity of these very thoughts have pinned my soul and are about to crucify it.